“I’m sorry, I couldn’t take it anymore” – note left by Harare man who died 18 days after paying lobola

A 23-year-old man from Harare, Canaan Mumba, died just 18 days after paying lobola for his wife, in a case that has raised questions about the clash between customary marriage and church expectations (white wedding).

Mumba paid roora for his wife, Thelma Hliwayo, on 5 September and reportedly wanted to bring her home immediately to start their married life. Customarily, paying lobola allows a couple to live together.

However, church leaders allegedly barred him from doing so until a formal white wedding had been held.

The white wedding, which can take months to plan, was reportedly insisted upon by a pastor, while Mumba was said to be not financially stable enough to host it.

Reports further allege that his wife was staying in the custody of the pastor and that her relatives were being influenced in the decision.

After negotiations, the family was reportedly supposed to hand over his wife on Tuesday night, but this did not happen.

Mumba was later found dead. A handwritten note, believed to have been left by Mumba, was recovered.

In the note, which runs to several pages, he apologises extensively to his mother, grandmother, great relatives, siblings, friends, co-workers and fellow church members.

He said that he had hidden the difficulties he was facing by telling colleagues that he was already living with the woman he had married. “I’m sorry guys, I couldn’t take it anymore,” he wrote, adding that he was in pain and felt his reputation had been damaged.

The note also includes personal requests, including that three songs by Alen Ketani – “Regai Ndizorore”, “Ndoda Kuuya Ikoko” and “Zvinowanda Panyika” – be played in his memory, and a message to his mother saying he loved her. It ends with the words “Yours In Pain, Canaan”.

Mumba also made serious allegations against the pastor and his family, and against his wife’s mother and others, claiming they had a hand in his distress.

The note urges law enforcement to investigate what happened, including what he described as pre-marital counselling held at Waterfalls before and after lobola, and asked that messages on his phone be reviewed for context.

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Four Wives In Six Years: Man Loses US$31,700 In Lobola As Every Marriage Collapses Man, 23, kills self after church barred him from taking wife home until white wedding despite paying lobola